Monday, August 10, 2015

When Summer is "Meh"

The last couple of months have been rough. Like blogging goes, some things I write about, other things I keep to myself. I do try to give you a glimpse into our lives. I've told you about the news of Jack's surgery, about our worry of kindergarten, even about preparing for my exams (more of my all-consuming chore than anything else). These life things have clouded a time where I'm usually all "carpe diem!" and "let's enjoy every single second out of this summer!"

If anything, this summer has been more "meh" than anything else. Having gone through much harder times (think NICU), I know that not everything has to be fun. Not everything will be a grand adventure or will fulfill my desire for excitement. I won't be able to carpe diem or kayak that lake or hike that peak or go on that trip (and even after I type that sentence, I realize how lucky we are that those things are even options for us).

I think we put too much pressure on ourselves in the summer. At least I do. My natural inclination is to do summer the best I know how. To go all out. Especially where we live, where winter is our friend at least seven months out of the year, I put so much pressure on myself to do all the things when the weather is cooperating.

But when things don't go as planned? When disappointment and fear and circumstances render you unable to enjoy the fun right outside your door? That's just life sometimes, isn't it? Maybe some of you are having a summer like that, too. There are going to be seasons where things don't go as planned. Where you get a bad diagnosis. Where things outside of your control dictate your day. Where you have to study instead of play. Where you spend your day scheduling the next three months, rather than doing what you really want to do (which is fly in the opposite direction of schedules and plans). I keep reminding myself that "meh" is better than some of the alternatives. Again, the preemie perspective, where we know that things could always be worse, is our guiding light.

Maybe this is just adulthood. Maybe we just skipped this summer. Maybe there's still time for some late-summer magic. Hey, we went to the cabin this weekend (who cares that I worked the whole time when the view looks like that!). Jack and I went on a beautiful walk this morning. The sun through the pine trees was pretty spectacular. A quiet day so far, but a good one.

Summer may not go as planned, but we are here and the sun is shining.

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