Thursday, March 12, 2015

Waiting: It's Just What We Do

Spring is here. In these parts that means over 50 degrees with no snow that sticks. Naturally, Jack is back to what he does best - outside greeting each car that happens to drive by our house in the woods. We live on a dirt road and that dust kicks right up and he just giggles, squeals, and is genuinely so happy a car went by. The faster the better. Sometimes I think he is imagining cars driving by, because we haven't seen one in hours, but he's still bustin' up like it's the most hilarious thing in the world. This kid is full of joy. He would sit out there for hours if we'd let him. It's pretty much his most favorite place, even though I keep trying to convince him that it's our backyard that's the bees knees.

I left you last with my fears about kindergarten. I wish I could tell you we've got the whole thing figured out, have found a perfect and safe place for him with awesome teachers, but after multiple emails, phone calls, and getting advice from everyone under the sun, we are still in the "who knows?" zone. So we wait.

Much of Jack's life we've been waiting. Waiting for him to take a breath. Waiting to see if he'll make it through the next minute, next hour or through the night. Waiting to cut loose from the hospital. Waiting to say goodbye to oxygen. Waiting for surgery. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting for the first step. Waiting to hear his voice.

We are pros at this whole waiting game, but you never quite get used to the uncertainty that comes along with it. It's an inner anxiousness where we go about our normal day, do our normal things, but it's always there, under the surface. Sometimes, I'll admit, I find myself forgetting how good we have it and my prayers become "can't just this one thing go smoothly? Must everything be a struggle?"

Then I remember that the very best things in my life have come from struggle. I would argue that Jack's story represents this to me, but it is true for so many things, for so many of our stories.

And so we wait. Wait for word on kindergarten and for cars to drive by. It's just what we do.

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