I came upon this photo today. Always thinking about my boy.
There is constant brainstorming about the best ways to deal with Jack's unique developmental issues. When your child does not fit the typical developmental timeline, when their behaviors are so unique, when they are non-verbal, it is most always a guessing game. It is a multiple-approaches and hoping that one fits kind of game.
But most of my readers understand this.
It is such a scary thought, that we are laying out the foundation for our children right here, right now. Their very livelihood. I know I can't control everything that happens to my boy or the trajectory of his life. None of us can. Even so, there are too many variables with Jack and mistakes most certainly will be made. Lest I have a panic attack at this thought, we take things slow. We tip toe around each decision, each course of action. We take things as they come and try not to waste too much time with worry about what life will be like. I just pray we are always advocating what is best. For our unique circumstances. For our miracle boy.
I've written before about why I use the word miracle. It is not done lightly or with cliché. The weight of that word ebbs and flows. Sometimes I forget how far we've come. These days, I spend more time thinking about where we are going.
Our boy is closing in on his last few months of being four. It is always this time of year when I reflect on Jack's age. I remember spending the last few months before his birth so ill, always on the couch. I remember what I was just coming out of. Five years ago.
Where we were and where we are - they are two completely different worlds. But even then, on that couch, I was thinking about my boy.