Monday, November 4, 2013


I have never seen more pregnant women in my life than here in Utah. Everywhere I turn, big ole' pregnant bellies. These ladies are super cute, proudly rocking their round tummies in stylish clothes.

So many bellies, so many babies, so many kids.

This would be a very hard place to live if you struggle with infertility, have experienced baby loss, or if you just came out of a premature birth.

I remember mourning the loss of my typical pregnancy. When I saw big pregnant bellies out and about, I would hurt inside. Thankfully, I was semi-cocooned in RSV isolation, so I was probably spared a lot of this emotional turmoil.

Logically, I remember being happy for pregnant people... but honestly? It was hard. Many times I felt that those precious third trimester moments were stolen from me. I barely had a belly when Jack was born. In fact, I only have one belly picture of myself. I hadn't gained any weight at the time of his birth and I had just barely purchased my first maternity pants. Something as simple as a baby belly could set my emotions in a downward spiral.

So yeah, this would be a hard place to live. Thankfully, when I see a belly these days, my first reaction isn't sadness. I actually think things like "cute" and "yay!".  It took time to get to this place. My heart is with those still in the trenches. I get it.

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Alyssa Kent said...

so true! Im at the point where I am so so happy for my friends and family with big ole bellies. But the random women on the street? still that jealousy, guilt, sadness etc

Alisha said...

I've lived in Utah the entire 10 years of my marriage and we've struggled to conceive all along. We had a miscarriage earlier this year. It's so hard to see so many babies and pregnant women. SO hard! But I try to be happy for them.

Anonymous said...

We struggle more with the women that complain about how uncomfortable they are with their big bellies. Pretty sure the big belly would have been more comfortable than 4 months in the NICU!

NewMom said...

I felt the same way about pregnant bellies too! Until I unexpectedly got pregnant before our preemie turned 1. God has blessed us with a (relatively) normal and much longer pregnancy. It's healed the wound of seeing bellies since, well I am that person. But it does add a lot of anxiety/worries!

Charlie said...

I've definitely have felt that pain. It hurts but you live through it and hopefully one day you will be one of those women.