I used to be this woman.
Shift focus to me this morning. Black yoga pants. Stain on black yoga pants. Tennis shoes (that match Jack's!). Work out type jacket (although no exercising is happening today). Hair under a winter hat. Unpolished nails. I remembered lip gloss as I was flying out the door.
I'm feeling kind of... disheveled this morning.
The transition from working woman to mom was a really hard one for me, on top of the whole prematurity thing. (Some of you may relate to this, some not, and that's OK) I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but that dream was included in a litany of dreams about my life.
As my mind wanders to all those thoughts - thoughts of the what ifs, the what could have beens - I remember. And this one action - of shifting focus - this has been my single greatest coping mechanism through my entire journey as a micro preemie mom.
Today I paused when I saw that working woman, and I had a choice. Do I shift focus or choose to wallow? Many times, I wallow. I let that ache for what could have been set in deep. I think about my amazing, long ago plan to continue working once I gave birth to my full-term, healthy baby boy. My boy would go to work with me. I would be the baby-wearing-super-working-out-of-the-home-mom. I was the boss and I was going to have it all. It was a great plan in theory.
But when plans don't go the way we want them (large and small), I've learned that I need to hone in on my emotions and shift focus. I feel much better when I choose to remember that my son is the greatest blessing that has ever happened in my life. Just the fact that he is here, alive, is miraculous... and I don't use that word lightly. He brings me so much joy and purpose. He has taught me lessons that working in a high powered job could never teach. And he is pretty much the cutest thing ever.
There is no greater job than being his mom.