Monday, November 26, 2012

Censorship

Ok here's the deal blog friends.

There are a few subjects that I have been thinking of writing about. Stuff I ponder quite often, but never seem to make it past the point of actually sitting down at my computer to type it out. Blogging is the cheapest form of therapy, but I keep thinking (and debating) about whether I should even go "there" about a lot of things.

"There" is a whole lot left unsaid (or not explored enough) in the preemie world and I sometimes wonder if it's because it's just easier to censor ourselves or just more manageable for all of us to stay in the positive, uplifting realm. Not venturing into touchy subjects or places where there could be disagreement. I know the second I write about these kind of subjects, I will have many who disagree with my conclusions. I may lose some readers. People who are offended or who just won't get it. Disagreement is not fun. And maybe that is why I haven't gone there. It's much easier to stick to happy Jack pictures.

That doesn't mean I've been shielded from online controversy since starting this blog. Aside from negative comments here and there (oh yes, I delete them!), I once came upon an online forum where hundreds of people were discussing our decision to keep Jack on life support after he suffered a brain bleed. No mind that they were debating this very personal decision that we made 3 years ago. Kind of late to the party, right? Since we are a blog online, it was open for discussion. And it horrified me to read what "they" actually thought.

Yeah. Not fun at all.

So... do I go there?

More and more, I just want to stick with what is real. What is genuine. That includes the gritty and hard. Not every preemie story is one of roses. But it is how you deal with the heartache. The disappointments. The good and the bad. That, my friends, is the true mark. We are only human, after all.

I still believe it's a good idea to censor the things that we put out there. There are just some things that should be kept private. And more and more, I am aware that once I hit publish, it is out there, forever on the interwebs. I want to remain true to the original intent of this space, to show prematurity in a very real light. To show the pure joy. But I also don't think it needs to stay in Pollyannaville.

Am I declaring this "touchy subject week"? Maybe. We'll see how I feel about it tomorrow.
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14 comments:

Jay, Gina, & Ruthie said...

I think it's healthy to have "touchy subject" days when you need to. As you said, it's the cheapest form of therapy. Don't hold back if you need to talk! :)

catchupdaphne.com said...

I make a point of posting the good and the bad. We are almost 4 years removed from Daphne's birth (and death of her twin sister) and I have a low readership/non-income generating blog, but I tend to hesitate before posting certain things too. My first filter is "will Daphne be hurt by this information being out there?" "How will she feel about it when she's 8? 15? 21?" How will the people who matter be affected by what I write? (parents, in-laws, siblings....)But I feel that if I only write about the positive, I will be doing everyone a disservice, not only the people in our lives, but to other families out there who could possibly find it helpful to know that another family out there has been there, done that, and is living their life. Does that make sense at all?

The Kimmels said...

Our blog has never been all sunshine and roses and I get so many people that say they appreciate the honesty. There is no way I can possibly paint a rosy picture of losing a baby and having a preemie. Of course we have many good times and we try to see the positive, but it's hard. And it's our reality that not everything is "pollyannaville" (LOVE that!) all the time.

Anonymous said...

This is the very reason I have not started a blog....I already feel so misunderstood, I don't want to add more fire to feeling misunderstood or not even understood at all! No matter how well we writers communicate something, it always seems that someone will disagree, take it the wrong way or whatever! More power to you beautiful woman for getting it out there! I sometimes wonder if I'm just too cowardly! And just maybe....getting it all of my chest would make me feel better...and/or help me to find the support and acknowledgement possibly needed! Instead I suffer in PPD/PTSD silence hoping that one day...it's going to get better.

Heather L said...

Please write about the "touchy" subjects. Someone has to be willing to do it and you'll probably write about something we all want to talk about it, but are just afraid to do so :)

Tatum said...

Write it, I bet several thousand others are thinking it but afraid to say it. Might want to hold the post for a day or two just to make sure the tone is the one you want for the Jack brand, but I say go for it!

Anonymous said...

Have read your blog for some time but have never commented. I admire your family for your courage and spirit. Almost 40 years ago I had a baby boy at 34 weeks. Although he has had no permanent physical effects I wonder that some emotional issues are the result of not being held or touched for many days except by nurses. Times have certainly changed. The more info people have the better.

Tricia said...

As a preemie mom I wholeheartedly embrace the touchy subjects. Because when we were riding the NICU roller coaster, I wanted to know what life was REALLY like.

Yet, on my blog, there are still subjects I am afraid to touch. Like catchupdaphne said, I worry how it will affect my boys. Because regardless of the topic - touchy or no - I'm writing about my family.

Busy Bees Allergies said...

When I began reading your blog, I was touched by all of your words, every one of them. I was especially touched by your candor & the fact that many of your thoughts echoed my silent fears and innermost thoughts.Your words, your hearts thoughts, your fierce motherly love- have helped to heal me and inspired me to try to do the same for other families. I am a perfect stranger, and you did that for me bu sharing a sacred part of your thoughts, Jessi.
The sad reality is that people judge. It is easier to judge than to deal with their own lives. It is easy to judge when it is not their babies lives that depend on it. But, no one will ever know how they will really react or feel until they have walked in your shoes.
Whether you share or not, I appreciate all you've done. Thank you for barring your thoughts & allowing your feelings to be known. I'm sorry others make you feel the need to bite you're tongue.
I am profoundly sorry you had to read about others opinions regarding your life or death decisions about your child- no parent should have to endure that. No one.
Sending hugs and many thanks.

J and Y said...

I can relate. Sometimes I debate posts simply because I am writing about the boys. I find myself wondering how they will feel about the posts when they read them one day. I also appreciate honesty though. When every preemie I blog I read involves parents using terms like "we are the lucky ones, " "our girl is picture perfect now" or "we are one of the stories with a happy ending," I start to think we are the only ones struggling with the lingering effects of prematurity. I have come to realize that we will probably never outgrow those effects. They might lesson with time, but they might always be a part of our life. It is nice knowing we aren't the only ones out there.

Stacie said...

I found a similar discussion about my boys almost two years ago. I closed my blog and moved elsewhere. I refuse to let that kind of hatred be connected to my amazing boys.

I have two blogs: one for family/friends and a semi anon (only loosely anon) blog. The family blog is one where I focus on the positive. I celebrate the good because it is connected to them personally. I want what is there to be something they wont have a problem reading when they are older. My personal blog, on the other hand, is where I tell the ups and downs of raising 28 weeker twins who, at 5, are still dealing with the effects of their prematurity. That's how I deal with the touchy now. Touchy only goes on the personal blog.

Many hugs.

Michelle said...

I recently wrote a post on preemiebabies101.com about what it's like to be around other pregnant women. I wasn't going to write it at first because I didn't want to sound pessimistic, ungrateful, or whatever. I debated clicking publish. I almost didn't publish it at all. It turned out that post received tons of comments with other moms thanking me for sharing. It comforted them to know they weren't alone. I say write what you feel because I'm sure others can relate.

Kelli Johanesen said...

I both can and cannot believe people would be debating whether Jack deserved a chance at life. I am too often taken aback at how cold people can be. I agree with others that it is find to be real, even when real isn't pretty. This is life and it isn't all candy and roses. I always love hearing about Jack. He's truly a miracle from God.

Anonymous said...

A quote I like from an article I read: "There is little that can validate your life experiences like hearing about someone else's struggles mirroring your own." Your honesty and candor have undoubtedly helped so many readers. So, please "go there" when you feel the need. For each comment that deserves to be deleted, there are probably many more readers who can relate and who appreciate knowing that they are not alone in their struggles.