Without going into insanely boring details (well, boring to you... exciting for us!), there is just a lot of life stuff going on right now. Big decisions. New things. I am being purposefully vague because a lot of this stuff is up in the air and a million different factors play into it. Needless to say, it seems life has suddenly taken on insane speed and I see no signs of slowing down anytime soon. This is such an incredible change from the years we were in isolation with Jack.
These next two months for me will be the most busy (personally and professionally) that I have been since Jack was born. I am fully booked in my photography business (yay!) and I have some other big things up my sleeve that are taking my attention. I think I've forgotten what life can be like when you are not in the throws of caring for a micro preemie. It is so second nature to me now, that anything else feels foreign... and scary. Things that I used to feel so incredibly capable about are now areas where I feel inadequate and unsure. This journey of micro preemie parenting has hopefully made me a more well-rounded person, but I also feel a bit of my old personal drive, my can-do-everything-and-anything attitude, is stunted by reality. I know how quickly things can change. I know I can't do everything. I know the frailty of life. I know that by having a son with special needs, my time to devote to personal goals and dreams is much different. I have to be more creative. I have to be more purposeful. I have to be better with my time. Jack comes first, but more than ever in the past three years, I am making time for myself and my dreams.
Scary and exhilarating, I tell ya.