Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Soul

I just put Jack down for a nap. When I saw his eyes finally shut, I exhaled. Sweet, sweet sleep. He has been fighting the nap pretty vigorously lately, and even though he desperately needs one, he is going without quite often. He is so beautiful when he sleeps. I mean, take my breath away beautiful.





I feel like this summer I am catching real glimpses of what is going on inside Jack's head. It's so hard when your child doesn't verbally communicate. We spend a lot of our day in silence. I try to talk with Jack as much as I can. Explain what I am doing. Comment on this or that. Most of the time, I am having a one-way conversation. When Jack does make a peep, I immediately start trying to decipher what the babbling noises, screams, grunts, sighs, and the like could mean. You should hear the party that erupts when Jack uses the proper word in context. No greater joy, my friends!


The more I attune my ear to Jack, the more I realize that he has a whole lot to say, even if we are in silence.


There is something about him that I want to try and describe, but it may be difficult to put into words. I don't know if it has to do with his prematurity or the fact that he is non-verbal, but he just seems like an old soul. Even though he doesn't speak, I can tell so much by his eyes. I was talking to Jon yesterday about how socially, Jack seems, for lack of a better word, advanced. The way he wants to play and interact is more understated than typical kids, but it is loaded with meaning: humor, intelligence, and such a playful spirit. If you blink, you may miss the quick social cue that he is giving. But when you really get to know Jack, really get to know the way he uses his eyes, his gaze, his touch, there is an incredible level of deepness.


Jack is such a beautiful child. So incredibly beautiful. And his soul? Absolutely breathtaking. As Jack spends more time unable to speak, I can only imagine what is going on inside. I know that he is happy. There was one wish that we had when we decided to continue fighting for Jack's life - that he would one day be happy - and he is certainly that. 


A happy, beautiful soul... (who is still napping by the way!)
Pin It!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My whole family has said my son (26 weeker) has an old soul and wisdom beyond his years, and it is so true. We often call him little grandpa because of this and well how preemies look a bit like old people all wrinkled up lol.

Julie said...

He is such a beautiful soul.

Becky Price said...

Beautiful!

The Kimmels said...

I hope this is okay to say, I guess I never realized that Jack was non-verbal. In his pictures he always looks like he has so much to say and is so full of life, those expressions say so much without speaking a word. He does look wise beyond his years :)