Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Nothing Worth Doing Is Ever Easy

I'm having a little battle with myself this morning. Today is usually the day where I take Jack to therapy in a different town. Not only is it four hours in the car and two hours in therapy, it really messes up his schedule. Naps and eating times are thrown out the window. Ugh. And Jack and I return home exhausted.

But... BUT.

It is good for him. I have seen improvements since we started doing this around six months ago. Most notably, Jack walking much, much better. And a reinvigorated feeding therapy plan. All good things. Really good things.

Still, I struggle with my own selfish desires for what I could use this day for. I could take Jack to the park. I could relax at home while he plays. I could get some work done. I could keep him well rested, well fed, and happy.

I don't like this internal debate and struggle. It says a lot about me and that truthfully, I am just being lazy. Micro-preemies are hard, hard work. What is best for Jack? If only my local area would have the services that he needs... that would make things so much easier. I know many of you travel much further than us for Dr. appointments and all sorts of things. And in my book, that makes you my hero. Seriously.

I am smiling at myself here because just yesterday, I gave everyone a little pep talk about healing... about patience. About keeping at it and keeping your chin up. The truth is, sometimes the monotony of taking care of a child with special needs can leave you feeling depleted. Add to that travel and you are just done. Done. This is hard work, folks. And doing it over and over and over again. If anyone is the poster child of repetition, it's Jack.

And so we go. And I try to get my attitude in check.

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Owen's Mom said...

You're not alone in how you feel, Jessi! Travel safe, I hope you and Jack get some good singing time in on the ride.

mouse said...

Jessi, you are a hero too, remember that.
So easy to say, but just make the most of the well rested park days the other days of the week. Hopefully the more progress Jack makes, the less complicated things get. You sound so proud of him and I'm sure he is so proud of you-or will be when he is older and understands more x

Michelle said...

The only good thing about Camdyn's speech therapy insurance mess is that we are getting a little break from therapy and going to the park instead! She's learning how to say "swing" and "play" a lot!

Sarah Higgins said...

I've never written before, but I've been reading for a while....my daughter was a preemie, but not a micro and she has lots and lots of challenges...(she's almost 15 now), but I wanted to encourage you. You are so right, taking care of a child is already hard enough, taking care of a special needs child is exhausting! You doing so much for Jack really shows in how well he is developing!!! Thank you so much for keeping it real, I know exactly how you feel...some days I'm just DONE!!!

Take Care,

Sarah from NM

Jessi said...

Thanks, everyone! And welcome, Sarah, to the blog. I really love hearing from you!

Angie said...

Yes its exhausting! and its ok to admit it and even vent about it. Jack is so lucky to have you as his mommy.