Monday, January 30, 2012

New

I feel as though I'm entering into a new phase of being Jack's mom. Coming out of the fog, you could say. When he was born, we were in survival mode. Just making it through the next minute was how I operated. Each and every day. And I continued to be there for at least the first year of Jack's life and part of the second. Survival mode is no way to live. But you have to, no other option really... besides giving up, I guess.

I am in a much different place now. One of acceptance. I used to not want to talk about Jack with anyone in person. It was just too exhausting. Too many questions. Too many unknowns. Blogging was my defense. I could say "did you read the blog?" It was my way of protecting myself to not being vulnerable in person. About how Jack was doing and even more so, how I was doing. That's how it needed to be. Jack took up the majority of my brain space and talking about it all, out loud, was sometimes too much. It is a difficult journey being a mom, especially when motherhood is no where near what you thought it would be like. Just working through those feelings alone took forever.

Somehow, I'm feeling different these days. It's hard to explain or quantify, but life is much easier and safe. I had to work through that slew of emotions for almost three years to get to this place and I'm so happy to finally be here.

I'm pretty sure this correlates to Jack not having any major health scares or surgeries for a year now. How different that feels! I know that day will come again, and it could be soon. Jack has two shunts and shunts don't last forever. I still have to brace myself for immediate medical emergency, but it feels far off at this point. And now Jack's more mobile than he's ever been. It's still hard to take him out in public and carry him everywhere. He is getting so heavy! But what a a huge relief to know that he will walk! That knowledge lifted a burden that was weighing so heavily. And eventually, I know, he will be able to eat and join in when we go out to a restaurant. What a day that will be!


adding this, my favorite pic of January, to click it up a notch photo contest


Click It Up A Notch



This weekend was wonderful. I had a big group of friends over on Saturday morning for brunch. It's something I've always wanted to do, but never had the energy to pull off. Plus, it was the first time in 3 years that we've had company to our home, germs and all. It was so good for my soul.









so very content




While I was having fun, Jack and daddy went to my parent's apartment and hung out. Jack loves that place. Later in the day, my parents and brother came to see us one last time before my bro heads back to China. We went out for dinner and back to our place for dessert. Jack was in heaven because his favorite, Cheeks, was here.

On Sunday, we went to church and then out for lunch. Sadly, we had to say our goodbye's to my brother. Hopefully he and his wife will be back this summer. Later in the day, Jon was part of a fundraiser for a local nonprofit that works with homeless families. He cooked up 350 pulled pork sandwiches for what they call the "Comfort Food Challenge". He did great. I have pics, but haven't gotten the chance to edit them yet. Trust me, the food was so good and seeing all the area churches working together was really cool.

It was such a busy and full weekend. Nothing I ever would have imagined after Jack was born. There were times when I thought we'd never have an easy, fun-filled day.

Just spending my Monday morning cherishing the new...
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13 comments:

Babs said...

This is such an open and honest post. Very lovely. And, brunch was amazing! Thank you so much for having me!!

Julie said...

That "new" is radiating from you. So happy for you friend.

Angie said...

so very happy for you!

Angie said...

one question? does Jack go to church with you and if so when did u start taking him?

Nik, Lindsay and Pierce Franks said...

Such a great and honest post. It's so, so exciting to hear that you are entering a new phase- a more relaxed, enjoyable one. I found myself agreeing with everything you said in the post- you described so perfectly what I'm going through. I can't tell you how encouraging it is to have a momma who's a few steps ahead in this journey. Thank you so much for sharing your heart Jessi!

PS- Love the brunch pics! I get giddy thinking of the day when visitors will be allowed back in our home!

Jessi said...

Angie - we took him for the first time to church around his first birthday, end of May. And we brought our huge, industrial size sanitizer. Since then, we've only gone outside RSV season. This is the first winter we've taken him. He doesn't go to the nursery or hang out with the kids, so one of us is usually on Jack duty, walking him here and there.

kimmyskids said...

What a sweet boy. I just spent time reading your story and what a testimony!

Jessi said...

Thanks, kimmyskids!

Courtney said...

You have a way with words! I'm so glad to hear that he will walk! God is good!! I also wanted to say, I adore your header image...what a sweet connection you captured! The image you submitted is darling. You found some wonderful light in your house!! I can see why this is a favorite. Thanks for entering!

Our Beautiful Family said...

Brings tears to my eyes. Im so happy you are in a place of happiness and relaxation :)

Brandi said...

You are glowing happiness! Beautiful post.

Gnarly Bookworm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

It looks like you had a great time with the girls! Fun! :)
-Lindsay B.