Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A Case of the Tuesdays?

Pure exhaustion.

Totally describes how I feel today... err... the past couple of weeks. It's not always like this, so I take comfort in that. Blogging will be light as I get some rest. Hoping for some more energy for tomorrow and time to catch up on all my favorite preemie blogs that I haven't had the chance to read in awhile. 

A lot has been going on with Jackpants and a lot has been going on with me. I am still struggling to find this (unattainable?) balance of being a mom to a kid like Jack and following my own desires and interests. Those two can't always coexist and Jack always comes first, so adjusting my expectations is happening quite often these days. 

Thanks for always being there with a listening ear. Really. It means a lot. 
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5 comments:

Daria said...

Hey Jessie. I think we are on the same wavelength these days. Just feel out of it.... And let me if you ever get that balance. After almost 6 years, I have yet to figure it out (although I suspect sending both kids to school might help a ton!), LOL. My expectations are always very low, and my house is always a mess.....

Have a great holiday. These days will pass before we know it.....

Heather L said...

Jessi - I hope you find that balance soon! I'm looking to you for inspiration to find my own balance :) I've been struggling lately with the dissonance between expectations and reality (expectations about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, parenting, career, everything really!)....

Amy said...

I PERSONALLY think that most moms go thru the self "questioning"...notice I don't call it doubt ;-) Being a MOM is THE hardest job because we always think, gee, I'm also a good <> here...so do I work ...and I can't forget I need to be a good wife. Marriage first. Time for bebe(s). Toss in the wee one with preemie issues...Oh and if I'm home, I'm also feeling pressure to keep this house picture perfect. For me, add in the big 3's school demands, their extra stuff...part time work....WHEW. Oh and I'm just a "STAY AT HOME MOM!" Hang in there girl - there is PEACE, promise!

Lisa Westervelt said...

Hang in there mama! Some if that could be weather related too - the winter blues maybe? Make sure to get some sunshine, or vitamin D if there isn't sunshine. For the rest of it - it seems to be a continual project, finding the right balance, and I think the middle point moves often. There are times/seasons when kiddos need a bit more of our time and focus, and other times when they are "good" and holding their own for a bit, so we can move some of that focus to other areas.

You have been such a good influence/encourager to enjoy the moment, just keep on being "there" and you'll be fine. And find comfort in your Father when you feel like you aren't. Prayers for you and Jack!

Carie Edson said...

I've often struggled with the same questions, and I don't even have a preemie! But one thing I feel God is teaching me is how to move from "expectations" to "Expectancy". I always have expectations - how may day, week, month, year - is supposed to turn out. And many times when that expectation isn't met, I struggle with doubts, negative inward thoughts, etc. But I feel God wants me to let go of those expectations and focus on living each day with expectancy. What is God going to do? How will I see him show up that day? Living like this has relieved a lot of pressure I've placed on myself and has taught me that each day can be an adventure, even if it's the complete opposite of how I'd imagined it would turn out. It's all in the perspective. I'll be praying for some more zip in your step (I agree with the above post - Vit. D has really helped me in the winter), and that you have moments where God meets you with full expectancy!

With lots of warm thoughts your direction,
Carie