Monday, November 7, 2011

The Wandering Mind of a Micro Mom

Jack got sick last night. And he woke up sick this morning. I've been fighting the urge to let my mind wander to worst case scenario. Do all micro mom's do this? I'm thinking that because of the trauma of the NICU experience and subsequent surgeries, it's hard for me to not jump to the worst conclusions when it comes to Jack's health.

Puking and fever? ... just HAS to equal shunt malfunction. Rapid breathing? Oh no. Not RSV! Or maybe he's having a seizure because he is so shaky? Maybe something even worse is going on (enter in flashbacks of rushing to the hospital and being told that my 23 weeker was in renal failure).

Never mind that Jack was diagnosed not too long ago with something that could perfectly explain his symptoms (CVS). No mind that the second we give him Zofran, he feels much better. We give him Tylenol, too. That helps. He seems to be content watching his shows. He wants to take a drink.

Still, my mind has a hard time with just letting things be OK. I can never get too comfortable with Jack's health.

Wouldn't it be nice to just chill sometimes?

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13 comments:

Chelsea said...

I am so sorry that Jack is not feeling well. And you are NOT ALONE. I have scary thoughts when I see snot in Trav's nose and 99%of the time it is just allergies. Same goes for Ava now. It's exhausting to worry so much. Just when I thought I was getting better, I had Ava...here we go again....

Angie said...

It would be nice. But I am terrified of mine getting sick! Terrified. Only micro preemie mamas will understand what that fear is like. I hope he gets better and will say a little prayer that it is nothing serious!

Kitty Le Meow said...

Hi again, Jessi. It's Rita, Jack's mom from Calgary. I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. Every time my Jack looks lethargic, is overly fussy, vomiting, or has even a hint of a cold my mind immediately jumps to the fear that this could be the beginning of a metabolic crisis. (A few nights ago he was twitching in his sleep a little bit and I began to fear that he was having seizures) I hate that my mind works that way. Don't let those worries get the best of you. Our doctors always remind us to take it one step at a time, one day at a time, one challenge at a time. Here's hoping you guys ride this thing out quickly and painlessly. Sending you good thoughts and wishes.

Michelle said...

Happy to know I'm not the only paranoid micro mama. I do the same thing - Cade is very clumsy and runs into walls and I think maybe he can't see well - Camdyn has a runny nose and I think it's RSV - Cade coughs and I think he's aspirating - Camdyn chooses not to listen to me and I wonder if she can hear all right. It's unending. I try not to worry, but it's hard. It's like you are always preparing for the next crisis.

Rebekah said...

Love ya and praying for you and Jack man.

Jord said...

Hope Jack feels better soon. I know the feeling though and I don't think it is crazy. As we are cooped up in a hospital room now and I am watching everyone like a hawk to make sure they are sanitizing before they come in our room. I am going so crazy I might have Luke wear a mask too. I just think it is funny that here we are trying to stay away from germs and yet we are in the germiest place on earth.

Our Beautiful Family said...

Im so sorry you have to worry! Unfortunatly, with all you have been through, it is totally natural to think like you do. You have seen it happen. You are such a good mommy to Jack! He is blessed to have a mom that takes the time to worry. That is why he is doing as good as he is. I don't know that the worry ever stops, I know mine hasn't. I pray he gets better soon so that you no longer have to worry

kasey said...

My girl is turning 11 at the end of this month and I still know the panic and crazy mind. Remember to breathe, keep him hydrated and know you're not alone in feeling this way. Have you called the pedi just to talk to a nurse? That always makes me feel better and helps to know they're on board if you need them! You'll both be in my thoughts!

Sarah Bell said...

Sending healing thoughts Jack's way as well as peace for you! You are an amazing mom and your blog is an encouragement to me as a Preemie mom, I know the anxieties especially with the Shunt! Hoping that Jack is feeling better.

The Kimmels said...

I am the same way! Every time Cohen sneezes or has boogers in his nose I think he MUST be sick. I know everybody worries about their kids, but it seems like we have an extra dose! We are just starting our first RSV season and I have been super paranoid but I am just hoping and praying we make it through without sickness!

Sarah Pope said...

Amen. I often joke that I always self-diagnose Samuel in hopes of finding a solution to a problem...but the truth is, I am the one who probably needs treating....with a chill pill. (Don't you wish they really made those?) I am praying that Jack feels better soon and that you guys get some much needed rest.

cataleixo said...

Hi,

I've been following your blog and just wanted to say how inspiring it is. Also - I'm mummy to a 30-weeker who will be two on 31st December - I totally understand the health panic you feel. My son was hospitalized just 10 days after leaving the NICU with pneumonia and then spent the next three months in a pneumo ward due to severe apnea of prematurity... every time he gets a sniffle my heart cramps up. This summer though he started to get colds (he has an older brother who loves to kiss him) that didn't automatically turn into bronchiolitis. Is it weird that I'm celebrating him getting normal colds?
Best to you and Jack and keep writing!
Cat xx

marcie said...

Every time Veronica sneezes, I think its the beginning of RSV. And not 10 days out of the NICU, when she was crying for no apparent reason, my husband and I were convinced she had developed NEC. Sorry you had to go through this but glad to hear that Jack is on the mend.