Monday, August 15, 2011

Precious Years

The few of you that follow our Twitter account would have noticed some tweets about a conference I was at last week called the Global Leadership Summit. This annual two day conference has various speakers talking about leadership - in business, the church, and the home. I was thrilled to be able to be one of the 180,000 people watching it around the world.

And it was life changing.

Did I mention that I was Jack-free? That's right. I took the opportunity to get away because it's been a long while since I've had some total alone time. I believe we all need days like this, especially if our occupation consists of being a SAHM. Truthfully, the whole mommy that works at home role was kind of hard for me to embrace. Before Jack, I was running a start-up non-profit and never in a million years would have imagined myself at home with a baby. When I got pregnant, we had our plan all figured out - I would take Jack to the office while he was of nursing age and then set up some sort of nanny care when he got mobile. Oh the best laid plans...

Our micro preemie circumstances required that Jack be isolated from others, thus requiring one of us to be his caregiver, in our home. That person was me. And honestly, I didn't trust anyone (besides Jon) caring for him, he was just too fragile. Plus, spending over 100 days in the NICU developed in me quite the desire to get myself home to NEVER, EVER leave again.

Thus began my two years of hibernation. I really feel that is what I've been doing these past two years. That, and loving on my boy.

Last year I blogged about feeling restless. Apparently I'm not the only one. That post still ranks as one with the most hits, often being read hundreds of times every week (odd for my little ole' blog). I'm pretty sure it's not because it is the most eloquent post. I just think a lot of us are restless, wanting to do more with our lives.

So of course the leadership conference would be like crack to me. I seriously DRANK IT ALL UP. I felt like I was with "my people". I haven't felt this energized in years. I've been debating what the next step will be and I've never felt more ready to go.

But, there is this place in my heart that will most certainly mourn my hibernating years. Hours and hours of snuggle time with Jack. Lots of reading and dreaming. Developing this blog. Answering to no one but myself and God. Baking and watching hours of Real Housewives (I joke, I joke... OK, not really). Discovering amazing micro preemie blogs and support groups. Favorite websites like Pinterest. Watching Jack discover the world, reach milestones and beat the odds. These have been precious years. Years that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Who knows what time will bring. I have some ideas, but plans seems to have their own way of working out. All I know is that we're open to something new and I'm willing to work hard to make it happen. Jack is more healthy than ever and he is probably just as ready for a re-energized mom.
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2 comments:

Julie said...

I was just thinking (and forgot to mention it to you Thurs) that during that time, whenever I saw you, you didn't talk much about Jack or your feelings. Now, it seems as you are coming out of hibernation literally, you are also doing so about your feelings and experiences. I have learned so much about what you went through that was hidden away at the time. And as I said GO FOR IT! I'm behind you all the way.

Sarah Pope said...

It is so ironic that you wrote this post! I was just in tje process of writing something similar...how Im not the type to just sit at home. Its been so hard for me but so worth it for Samuel. Im glad you were able to get away for a bit. I agree, we SAHMs need breaks too!