Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Focus

A few minutes ago I put Jack down for a nap. Since he has such bad acid reflux and is fed through a g-tube, we can't just lay him down in his crib and walk away hoping that he'll fall asleep like a normal baby. He is a choking hazard. We've found this out the hard way. There is nothing scarier then walking into where your child is trying to fall asleep, only to notice them fighting, gasping to breath and choking on their own vomit. I know it's gross, but that's the reality of life with Jack.

So we have to get Jack to fall asleep supervised, on an incline. As much as I've been annoyed that I can't just turn off the lights and shut the door, I have come to cherish these times. I can either rock him to sleep while listening to soft music, or bounce him in my arms. Sometimes I lay besides him and keep him calm until he falls asleep. These are the moments where I can just hold him and focus on him. I find myself praying for his health. Praying for protection over his fragile little life. Kind of like I did all those months while he was in the NICU and I was pumping every 3 hours. I dedicated that time to praying for Jack... almost willing, begging and pleading for his body to make it one more day. It's all I could do.

When I take the time to focus and remember Jack's health, I am also reminded of others going through that same NICU battle. I pray for all the precious preemies and their families whom I have been put into contact with. The mothers and fathers just trying to make it. I pray that they will find some hope through Jack's life.

Focus. Pushing everything else aside to think about what really matters. And I don't mean this to sound cheesy, but the trivial things float away and I love it when that happens. Because I am reminded to be grateful. Because I am more aware. Truthfully, all that really matters is living a life of love and purpose, no matter how many days we are given.

So I'm thankful, once again, for Jack.  For his almost two year old self and uncanny ability to put it all in perspective.
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4 comments:

Julie said...

I'm thankful for Jack too...it's so easy to let those moments slip away being preoccupied with something else inane like a shopping list. Thanks for the reminder to make the most of those moments.

Babs said...

Sounds like a very nice meditation time.

Nik, Lindsay and Pierce Franks said...

Jessi, just read this as we sit here waiting for Pierce's PDA surgery to get underway. It is such an encouragement to my soul to hear from someone who is further down the road. Thanks for sharing.

Love,
Lindsay

Sarah Pope said...

Beautiful. This made me tear up.